Table of Contents
Chapter 1 – Introduction
From infancy,
we begin to use body language to express ourselves, from everything between
needs and feelings. It is how we learn
to get our needs met. As we age while
learning to talk, we continue to use a series of body language signals along
with a grunt here and there to entertain, have a need met, or show an emotion
we are feeling that we are not yet able to express verbally. If, while we are young, our caretakers pick
up our body language signals easily, as we age we are more apt to continue to
refine the skill of using body language.
However, when
our body language signals go unnoticed as an infant or throughout childhood, in
adulthood, the use of body language often goes to the wayside. Those are the adults you hear people refer to
as “hard to read”. Although they can
make great poker players, it does little for the art of subtle
communication. Like the saying goes, if
you don’t use it, you lose it, or in the least, get real rusty at it.
Life is a
game of sorts. There are no guarantees
in anything, however, you can higher your odds in the game of life if practice,
and not just your body language skills, but your ability to read body language,
and all other aspects of life.
Communication through all forms is detrimental in life. It can make the difference between landing a
dream job or that dream mate and many other factors. People use on an average of 50% body language
to 50% verbal language when communicating.
If you cannot
pick up the subtle nuances of the body language someone is giving, the message
you may be receiving verbally could be quite different then what they intended
on it being. The more you try to use and
learn how to pick up on body language signals the better you will get at
it. If you don’t get it the first time,
then continue to try and keep trying.
People watching is a great way to brush up on your ability to read body
language. Go to a mall and just sit on a
bench and try
There are
several main types of body language. Two
of the most common types of body language people can pick up on easily
generally are romantic and greeting body language. Other forms of body language are aggressive,
attentive, bored, closed, deceptive, defensive, dominant, emotional,
evaluating, open, power, ready, relaxed, and submissive. We will look at each category listed
alphabetically, and explain signals used in each.
Chapter 2 – Aggressive Body Language
Aggressive
body language is way more then simply being punched in the face or punching
someone. There are many types of
aggressive signals that if picked up on early can save you from being a
receiver of a physical attack or give you time to turn the aggression
down. Aggressive body language is a
signal to a possible physical threat or a verbal threat at the least. As we were taught early on, physical
confrontations can never lead to any good so learning to pick up the threat
signals early is extremely beneficial.
If you work in a setting where there are volatile people, prison
settings for example, knowing signals of aggressiveness could even save your
life.
Aggressive
threat body language can come from facial, attack, and exposing. Facial signals that can alert you to a
possible threat are frowns, pursed lips, reddening of face, sneer look,
clinched jaw, stare downs with a squint, and jerking of head towards you much
like one would jerk their body towards you in an aggressive advancement.
Another
common facial threat signal is a person getting right up in your face with
their face. With all of these gestures,
it is best you step back a couple feet to put a bit of distance between you and
the aggressive person to give you a chance to possibly defuse the
situation. The attack stance of body
language is typically the positioning of feet for stability, and clinching of
fist and muscles. Some may even get a
bit ‘dancey’ or bouncy with there feet, much like a boxer.
However, this
is the typical, there are some that really show little outward physical cues
that indicate they are about to punch you.
People who present with a flat affect may show very little to no
indication that they are about to physically attack another. This is when body language alone can put one
in a risky situation and it is important to listen to word cues as well.
Another form
of aggressive body language is crossing personal space, mental or emotional
boundaries. Fake friendships are an
example of crossing all three of these boundaries. By pretending to be a friend to another with
intent of harm, aggressive body language takes on a chameleon effect in the
beginning. They will use smiles, and friendly
gestures to gain closeness. Everyone has
a comfort zone called his or her personal space.
When that is
crossed physically (e.g. getting up in someone’s face, bumping chest,
physically touching another without permission etc.) that invasion of space is
an aggressive body language move. People
generally do this to get into close proximity of their prey so they can have
power over another by making them uncomfortable and to make it easier for them
to get in the first physical strike.
Physical
aggressive body language gestures are another indicator that you may be at risk
of becoming a victim. Hand gestures are
often used to incite another into a physical confrontation, from the use of
“flipping someone off” with the flagging of the middle finger, to hand gang
signs, thrusting of arms to the ever popular head roll/thrust generally
followed with verbal insults. Another
obvious great indicator is the mock attacks such as shadow boxing, slamming
fist on table (wall, door, etc.), head butting gesture, kicking, etc without
actually making physical contact with you.
Chapter 3 – Attentive Body Language
Attentive
body language is the act of showing through body language that you are
listening and hearing what another is saying.
Yawning or nodding off would be an example of inattentive body language. Being able to properly exhibit attentive body
language can make a huge impact if you are applying for a job, or are in any
field of employment that requires verbal contact with people.
Another
situation where having great skills in attentive body language is in personal
relationships and intimate situations.
Strong attentive body language shows that you have a sincere interest in
what another is saying, is flattering, and will most likely result in mutual
attention.
One way to
appear to be actively listening to another through body language is by leaning
into the person who is talking, however, respect personal boundaries when doing
so. You will be able to tell if a person
is listening to you attentively if their gaze is on you and does not reflect
away sporadically during the conversation.
They will
also blink less then normal. Often times
when a person is attentively listening to another their frown line will be
indented showing that they are concentrating on what you are saying. You will notice a nodding of the head in agreement
or disagreement of things you are saying along with verbal utterance such as
“hmmm, uh huh, mmm, etc”. The person
listening may also mimic your body language.
Chapter 4 – Closed Body Language
Have you ever
wondered if your spouse, friend, co-worker, or boss was bored with everything
that came out of your mouth, but you were not quite able to tell by their body
language? Well now, you will be able to
tell if what you are saying is falling upon deaf ears. One of the first cues that someone is totally
tuning you out is their gaze level. If
they are constantly distracted by every little noise or movement you can bet
they are not truly paying attention to you, regardless of how many times they
tell you they are listening.
Watch for
frigidity hands, feet, twitching eyes, all of these are other indicators you do
not have not captured your audience attention.
A huge clue is when a person begins to yawn or slouch. Granted, yawning is can be an indicator that
a person is lacking oxygen, however, when bored, a person will also yawn. If someone straight up falls asleep on you,
then you have a real problem with your presentation skills and should consider
taking some speech or affective communication classes. Some reasons people may choose to tune out is
that the topic you are discussing with them is something they do not want to
listen to or they have heard repeatedly from you in the first place.
If a person
has no stake in what you are discussing, it is very easy for them to lose interest
and become bored quickly. When speaking
to a group or on a one on one basis it is important to use body language while
you speak. Facial, and hand movements
can help to emphasize what you are trying to get across as well as stimulate
both the visual and audio senses in your audience. Long drawn out explanations is another quick
way to lose your audience attention.
Keep it short
and too the point. You do not need to
re-explain the same thing 50 different ways to get your point across. Always ask question throughout speaking with
anyone. It is a good indicator of the
interest level as well.
Often, if a
person is bored you may also see closed body language. Closed body language tells you that your
audience has totally shut down on you and as far as they are concerned, you are
not even in the same room with them any longer even if you are standing
directly in front of their face. Teens
are excellent example in using closed body language. Closed body language can also present a
defensive action for people as well. If
you are confronting a person and they exhibit closed body language, it may be
because you are scaring them and in order for you to get across what you are
trying to say effectively, you should change your approach.
Examples of
closed body language are curling up in a ball,
rocking, tightly folded arms, almost in a self hug formation, legs
tightly crossed or even twisted/intertwined with one another, or with a chair
or table leg, and a downward gaze or fixated gaze at an object, wall, or even
feet. There may be many reason why you
receive closed body language from an individual. Do not automatically assume it is all about
you or what you are saying.
The person
may have just had an extremely difficult day.
When you experience someone who appears to close up during a discussion,
note what was being said at the time that the body language changed. It can be a good indicator as to what is
possibly going on with them.
When a person
feel threatened, even verbally, their body will react. They will get into either a defensive mode or
an aggressive mode. In the defensive
mode, it is a self-preservation mode.
Curling up in a ball protects vulnerable organs and body parts in case
of an attack. It can also act as a
self-nurturing affect, to sooth a person.
Another
reason people may exhibited closed body language is that they are trying to
hide something from the other person such as tears or facial expressions. Ways to
move a person from a closed body language to a more open and accepting body
language is to offer them something to hold such as a drink, or with a child, a
toy. Another way is to mimic their body
language, however not in a demeaning manner.
Move in closer while still respecting personal space and gradually work
into copying their closed body language.
This can
build a non-verbal bond. As the person
begins to relax their closed body position, you also begin to relax at their
rate and comfort level.
Chapter 5 – Deceptive Body Language
Deceptive
body language should be necessary for everyone to learn. It can help you to distinguish if someone is
being honest with you or trying to pull a fast one. Mind you, there are those that are quite good
at covering deceptive body language, such as sales people, psychopaths, and
criminally minded individuals. One
common way to tell if a person is being deceptive by their body language is to
watch for anxiety cues. Some common
anxiety cues are sweating, tension, rubbing back of the neck or other body
parts, sudden movements, body twitches, voice change and increase in speed of
speech, chewing on the inside of ones mouth, and shoving hands in pockets or
high fidgety.
A person, when lying, will often times try to
hide their deception by attempting to gain control over their body language
through forced smiles and exaggerated hand gestures. This may present as odd clumsy or jerky
presenting movements. Their speech may
present hesitated in their attempted to slow it down and thinking intensively
as to what to say next. They will often
speak looking distracted and avoid eye contact.
If standing, they may shift their weight from one foot to another more
often then normal as well.
Law
enforcement is trained to read body language.
As part of that training, they learn about how the brain works and how
the body reacts when using different parts of brain when thinking, such as eye
movement. It is believed that the
direction one looks when responding to a question can help in determining if
the person is lying. This is not always
a good indicator to be used in truth finding; however, if a person looks to the
right while answering a question, you should at least pay close attention to
what they are saying.
It is thought
to be instinctive action to look to the right when one is utilizing the left
side of their brain, the logic and analytic side and to look to the left when
using the right side of your brain, the emotional and creative side. It is thought that when a person lying they
utilize the left part of their brain to create the lie which causes their eyes
to gaze to the right. There is
documentation that states differing views on lying and eye gaze, some say a
person is lying when they look to the right where others say the left.
So do not be
judge and jury just because of the direction a person looks when they respond
to a question you ask or are telling you a story. Pay close attention to all their body
language, as well as their words before throwing the book at someone.
Here is a few
more interesting things about eye gaze when trying to recall a memory or store
data. When we are trying to recall a
memory, we use the right side of our brain, making our eyes gaze to the
left. When you are seeking visual
memories your eyes gaze upward, and when a person gazes downward, they are
trying to recall emotional memories.
However, the shifty eye, gazing right to left does not mean the person
is a shyster, it only means they are trying to recall or process auditory
memories.
Chapter 6 – Defensive Body Language
Defensive body
language expresses a persons feeling of physical or emotional threat or
personal space being invaded.
Automatically when a person feels like they are at risks of physical
attack, they cower to protect vital body organs. They may curl up in a ball and tuck their
head in. Men when faced with attack by a
female almost always aim to protect their groin first. If you even pretend like you are going to
strike a man, watch how fast they protect the family jewels by either lifting a
leg with a knee cross protection, or their hands drop to cross in front of
their crotch.
When face up
against another man, men will generally post in a fending off stance with arms
drawn out and jaw/nose region protected.
They will harden their muscles in order to withstand an attack
better. Another common body language
signal that will tell you if a woman is uneasy is, if carrying a purse or a
bag, the grip will become tighter and it will be drawn in close to their body.
Some people,
when uneasy, will display defensive body language by putting a barrier between
them and the person or situation that is making them uncomfortable. This could be a chair, table, or even holding
a package out in front of them making an obstacle between them and the
perceived threat. They may grip their
keys in between their fingers to use as a weapon if a situation were to
arise. Another defensive body language
cue is when someone becomes stiff or rigid.
They will
attempt to not make a single move with their body to draw attention to
themselves while at the opposite side of the spectrum, they a person in a
defensive mode will scan a room or location for an escape route, or may even
flee the room if the perceive the threat level too high. Some individual when faced in a possible
threatening situation my not ever exhibit signs of defensive body language, and
instead present with either submissive or aggressive body language.
Chapter 7 – Dominant Body Language
Dominant body
language is closely related to aggressive body language but at a lesser
emotional level. The ultimate goal of
dominant body language is to impress power over another, but not necessarily in
an aggressive manner, more so in an authoritative manner. A person demonstrating dominant body language
will often try to make their body appear bigger then what it really is,
especially men.
Often times
they will cross their arms with their hands under their biceps in an attempt to
push them out more to give a larger appearance.
Men and women will hold their hands on their hips with elbows out wide
while standing chest out and chin up.
You will see many mothers in this position when disciplining their
children.
A great
example of using dominant body language over another is a detective over a
suspect in an interrogation room. In interrogation
rooms, you will often se the detective standing making the suspect sit to give
them a dominating height over the suspect in an attempt to intimidate the
suspect. The detective may stance the
room, much like marking territory designating where exactly the suspect is to
sit also while walking around or coming up behind the suspect, leaning over the
suspects shoulder and talk rather then sitting at the table with the suspect.
By invading
the personal space of the suspect they make the suspect feel uncomfortable with
the added height and being talked down to, the detective achieves a dominant
stance as well as dominance over the territory.
The detective makes a point to make sure the suspect knows they are on
the detectives’ territory and working from the detectives’ rules. Social norms such as cussing and name-calling
go out the window in a detectives’ attempt to dominate the situation. They will dominate the suspect in other
fashions as well, such as having a folder in front of them, leaving the suspect
to wonder what type of evidence the detective actually has against them.
Tape
recorders, although used in the line of any interrogation, is also another way
to non-verbally or non body language dominant another by leaving the suspect
knowing that anything they say is being recorded. You will also see a detective use facial
expression to taunt, control, and dominate the situation. It can be in the form of stare downs, rolling
of eyes every time the suspect says something, yawning, squinting at the
suspect while holding a stare down, as well as smirking at the suspects’
responses.
Chapter 8 – Emotional Body Language
Emotional
body language is a very broad area as a person feels many different
emotions. Anger, for instance, displays
obviously different from happy body language, however some body language
signals of happy can be mixed up with sad body language. There are many non-verbal signs that can help
you to determine what another person is feeling emotionally, however they are
not exclusive and no two people necessarily react the same way to the same
stimuli. What you would think should
make a person sad, may actually not have any effect on another.
Anger can
present in a person for many reason, from getting a bad test score, bad day at
work, bounced check to numerous other situations. Some things may anger one person deeper then
another and/or quicker. Common body
language signals of anger are a flushed (red) face and/or neck, clenched jaw
and/or fist, pacing, invasion of personal space of another with no regards, and
the use of aggressive or power body language.
Fear,
anxiety, and/or nervousness can all present very similar and all have common
characteristics in body language.
Knowing a bit about the situation while reading the persons body
language can help you get a better idea of exactly which of the three emotions
they are experiencing. Learning
emotional body language is very beneficial in helping a child express in words
what their body is feeling. Fear, anxiety, and/or nervousness
are hard ones for a child to distinguish.
Fear, anxiety, and/or nervousness body language can present in a person
through their body by breaking out in a cold sweat, paled face, dry mouth,
diverting from eye contact, or they can appearing as they are on the verge of
tears with damp eyes.
They may
exhibit trembling lip, twitching eye, voice tremors, stuttering, cracks in
voice, sweating, heightened pulse, clenched fist, muscles, and/or jaw, and
extended periods of holding their breath.
Some may present as fidgety while others may take on a defensive or
ready body language stance. As you can
see, many of these body language signals also present under other emotions
other then fear, anxiety, and/or nervousness, however, as stated before, if you
know a little about what is going on, you can generally determine the exact
emotion the person is feeling and exhibiting through their body language before
having to speak to them even.
This is
helpful to know if the person fears you or if they are just nervous about the
situation or having anxiety about it. It
will help you to put the person at ease better in order to come to some sort of
resolution.
Sadness body
language generally presents with slouching or drooping of the shoulders or
body, almost limp like, possible trembling lip, tears, and a flat speech
tone. Embarrassment can present with a
redden face, avoidance of eye contact, grimaced face or a meek smile.
Embarrassment
can also cause withdrawal in some people.
Surprised body language will present with the widening of the eyes and
raised eyebrows. Their mouth may drop
open and even appear started or make a sadden movement back. Emotional body language expressing happiness
can present in tears of joy, smiling mouth and eyes, and an overall relaxed
demur.
Extreme
happiness may present with a person doing what is known as the happy dance
where they are jumping around in a sense, they may be failing their arms about
or clapping wildly. Although all of
these are very common types of body language used to express and emotion, a
person with a flat affect my not present with any of these. They could be extremely happy and only
present with a slight smile if that.
Chapter 9 – Evaluating Body Language
Evaluating
body language is how a person uses their body when evaluating a situation. This could present in hand movements when
discussing how a back yard deck design should go, or n a determination of which
direction one should turn while driving.
People who generally do a lot of talking with hand gestures will exhibit
a large amount of body language when evaluating or thinking about something as
well.
Another form
of evaluating body language is the formation of sorts similar to that of
praying hands while thinking. They may
tap a finger on their chin or even rub their chin. Their lips may purse some and for those you
encounter that wear eyeglasses, you may notice that while evaluating a
situation that they peer over the top of them when in discussion rather then
through them.
Professors,
teachers, and doctors who wear eyeglasses are known for this. Generally, their body will present relaxed
and comfortable although they are concentrating intensely.
Chapter 10 – Greeting Body Language
Everyone
knows waving at another person or shaking their hand is a way of greeting
however, there are many other forms of greeting body language used you may not
be as aware of. Greeting body language
can be used as a secret signal passed between individuals to indicate a type of
unity. For instance, many gangs have a
secret handshake ritual or hand gesture used showing their commonality. Grade school children often have their secret
little club hand shakes as well.
Depending on the culture you were raised under, some forms of greeting
body language may not be acceptable or even considered an insult.
It is said
that you can tell a lot about a person through their handshake. That is questionable to say the least to the
person, type of day the person is having and several other factors. A firm handgrip in a handshake is meant to
show confidence where as a limp wrist with a light grip is thought to show
timidity. However, elderly women
especially, lose their grip and can have a light grasp, as well as many may use
a lighter grasp in hopes the receiver will also do so in order not to have
their hand squeezed off!
The double
grip hand shake where not only is the extender shaking the hand but with their
other hand gripping the persons elbow or encompassing the others hands between
both of theirs is meant to show dominance.
However, there are several people who while shaking the hand of someone
they are truly grateful to will encompass the persons hand in both of theirs to
show sincerity. Other body language
greeting signs thought to be a gesture of dominance are shaking another hand
with the palm down, where as the palm up shows submission and palms sideways
shows equality.
Extended
handshakes where one person makes it difficult for another to end the greeting
is also a sign of dominance. If you pay
attention to photographs of politicians, or of people in authority positions,
handshake photos will be taken with the individuals standing shoulder to
shoulder with their arm/hand stretched out across their front to greet the
others hand. The dominate person will
stand to the left of the other person, shaking with the right hand, so that
when the picture is taken it is their back of the hand that appears visible in
the picture.
Other forms
of greeting through hand body language is the “high five” where two people slap
hands in the air, tapping fronts of fists, or a touch as a person walks by
another say at a party to show acknowledgement.
Other forms of greeting body language are in the form of honor, such as
the salute where the hand is brought up towards the forehead or a brim of a hat
and back down to the side again.
Military use
salutes to show respect to those in higher ranks. The boy’s scouts also have their own special
salute. The raising of the hand to the
heart when reciting the Pledge of Allegiance is another form of honor
salute. Bowing can also show honor or it
can show appreciation or thanks such as at the end of a performance. In Japan, if you do not bow at a
greeting it is a form of disrespect.
Hugging and
kissing are also other forms of greeting body language, but should be used
under advisement. Greeting a person you
do not know with a hug or a kiss could wind you up in a world of trouble. Society is also more accepting of women
hugging other women in a greeting then they are men hugging one another unless
closely related. When a hug becomes more
of a body grind, it has gone way past that of a greeting and can border on
sexual harassment or even assault if one is not a willing recipient.
In some
cultures, it is expected to greet another with a kiss, such as the
cheek-to-cheek kiss done in France and in some cultures, it can be socially
acceptable and expected to be done by either gender to either gender. Greeting kisses are short like a peck on the
lips or the cheek of another individual.
Greeting a friend may involve a hug while at the same time administering
a kiss to the lips or the cheek. Any
kiss of any length and on the lips, with open or closed mouth is considered
more of a romantic kiss, no longer a greeting.
One can read
a person greeting approach by their facial expressions as well. A frown would be a good indicator that
something is wrong, where a tensed face with clenched jaw should indicate to
you that the person is quite upset or angry at you. A smiling face will indicated that the person
is happy to see you where as a blank facial affect can indicate that the person
could care less about you or that you are present.
When you see
another person squeezing their eyebrows together, more then likely they are
trying to recall your name before approaching you. This is a great time to go up, remind them
politely what your name is, and greet them with a friendly handshake. Other forms of body language greetings are
tipping the hat as a form of acknowledgement and rubbing noses as in an Eskimo
kiss.
Chapter 11 – Open Body Language
Open body
language generally expresses relaxation or higher comfort form. Open arms and hands express the persons
desire not to hide anything from another.
They are relaxed in their current situation. However, if a person is exhibiting a closed
body language and then quickly changes to an open presentation, it exhibits an
extreme change in emotion.
Say if you
are talking to a person and they are in a curled up fetal position exhibiting
closed body language and then all of the sudden they are sitting up, feet
planted on the ground, or sprang up to a upright stance you more then likely
said something that triggered a extreme mood change. At this time, the open body language may not
be presenting as relaxed at all but more of an aggressive or defensive body
language.
Determine
quickly what was said that possibly caused the sudden mood swing so you can
direct the conversation in a fashion that does not lead to physical
attack.
Chapter 12 – Relaxed Body Language
Relaxed body
language and open body language mock each other in the relaxed aspects. A persons breathing is slower then normal and
stead, and over all body affect is relaxed without tense muscle tone. Even skin tone color will be normal over
all. Hands, feet, and arms are not
fidgety or twitching and are laid loosely in their lap or rested.
Facial
expression is relaxed with a possible slight smile or relaxed mouth. Voice tone is steady with no exaggerated high
or low tone fluctuations. The face will
present without exaggerated frown lines, the eyes will mimic the mouth; if a
slight smile is on the mouth, there will be a slight smile in the eyes, and the
eyebrows will present at their natural level without tension.
Chapter 13 – Power Body Language
Power body
language is a form of dominant body language but also has a rescue/hero aspect
to it as well. People who use power body
language on a regular basis are those who are in a position of authority or
like to act as if they are. It can be a
spouse or partner that tries to remain the power center in a relationship that
uses power body language. If a person
appears to always have control over your time and space, they are more then
likely exhibiting a lot of power play body language, and is one way they have
achieved this power over you.
In the
business world power is exhibited and acknowledge by the employees starting
from the company parking lot. Those in
positions of power always have the reserved and best parking spots. This is the beginning of dominating space and
exhibiting ones status over another.
They display their position and status from the car they drive to the
size of the office they sit in, with a door that they can close to allow them
the power to select when they want to deal with the hired help. They will take extended lunches, however have
the hired help punch in and out to ensure they do not overextend the designated
time given.
Power
handshakes are one way a person will demonstrate their power over another. Upon greeting, someone they feel is of lesser
status then they are, the power player will give a firm handshake, draw the
person in physically, grip the elbow of the arm they are shaking with opposite
hand and hold the shake longer then a normal shake.
If you want
to counteract a power handshake, offer a limp, weak grip. As an extended handshake can make one feel
uncomfortable, when exerting a power handshake and receiving a weak limp grip
in return, the uncomfortable feeling is turned is turned back on the power
player.
Power players
will hold a gaze longer then normal, another way of making the receiver feel
uneasy. Although the gaze is not
threatening, it is just enough to make the receiver squirm a bit. Counteraction for a power gaze, just look
away.
Do not fall
for the power play and get into a stare down.
Breaking the gaze yourself gives you back your personal power. Power players will also dictate where another
will sit, either by pulling out a chair for you with a gesture to sit, or
gesturing with their hand towards a seat when offering you a chair. Whenever possible, if you want to counteract
the power play, choose where and how you will sit before being directed.
If you are
meeting a person who is known for power plays, go early and get your seat
first. Power players are great at making
another wait on them. If there is a
planned meeting, you can bet the power player will make everyone wait on them. Other common traits of power body language
are invasion of personal space by standing close to another, touching while
speaking such as putting a hand on another’s shoulder, and an aggressive
walk.
Chapter 14 – Ready Body Language
Ready body
language is just what it reads as; ready for anything that may come their
way. Think of a baseball player in the
outfield, ready for whatever ball may come their way. Think of their stance, that is ready body
language. Ready body language presents
when a persons’ body is poised for action.
The body will be turned towards the direction of where the action is
talking place or where the perceived action will come from.
A teenage
girl waiting by the phone to pounce on it when it rings because she is waiting
for her boyfriend to call is ready body language. A person eyes will be directed towards where
the action is or will come from as well.
Their body will be tensed up and ready for action and they may be
fidgeting with their hands or twisting on a piece of clothing or another object
while waiting for the action in high anticipation.
Children show
their anxious ready body language when you tell them you will soon be ready to
leave to take them to the park or beach.
Even if nervous about the action, such as a fight, or a student getting
ready to do their first solo performance will present with ready body
language. Brides waiting to walk down
the aisle and Grooms waiting for the bride to walk down the aisle are also exhibiting
ready body language.
Another
example of ready body language that is less subtle is when a child is sitting
quietly at their desk with their supplies ready to begin their day.
Chapter 15 – Romantic Body Language
Romantic body
language is not just what a couple do when they are close and personal, but
from afar as well. Each form of body
language could have its own book, as there is so much that could be
discussed. With romantic body language,
one could easily write two books.
Romantic body language incorporates everything between flirting to
marriage and even break ups and divorce.
Body language
from afar incorporates all the different forms of flirting one does with their
body, from batting eyelashes to how one holds their body to how one even preens
and preps to get ready for the occasion of flirting. Romantic body language from afar can even
include sexual gestures. In flirting
looking for a possible long term serious relationship, sexual gestures are not
a good idea, however if your looking to put a little spice back into a
marriage, some sexual gesturing body language can be a lot of fun. From afar, romantic body language can be seen
from how one display themselves as well.
Men and women may wear clothing that accentuates certain parts of their
body they find more attractive.
Men are
notorious for displaying acts of body language when it comes to pumping out
certain muscles to make them appear bigger then what they are such as when they
cross their arms with hands under biceps to push them out to make them look
bigger then what they actually are. If
they see someone they are interested in, they can hold a tightened flex
forever! Women are famous for sucking in
the gut to make it look smaller then what it is and sticking the chest out to
make it look larger then what it is.
When using
romantic body language from afar, a person will position himself or herself to
be in eyes view of target of interest by turning their full body, head, or a
meeker person may only turn a foot towards their interest gradually working up
the courage to become more visible. A
person may dance seductively on the dance floor while looking occasionally over
to interest to make eye contact, or the classic move, send a drink over to the
party of interest.
Up close and
personal body language should only be done if you are already in a personal
relationship with the other party. If
you are not in a personal relationship with the other party, you risk having a
sexual harassment lawsuit filed against you if not worse. Close romantic body language is by far more
intimate then from afar. A mutual
comfort level allows the other to enter into ones personal space without the
other feeling threatened.
Close
romantic body language can exhibit in a couple mocking each others moves or
body positions, gazing lovingly into one another’s eyes, touching toes while
watching TV, holding hands, massages, caressing, kissing, to intimate
encounters and sexual exploration.
Romantic body language when a relationship goes wrong can be a vast
mixture between numerous types of body language and is far to complex to cover
in this e-book.
Chapter 16 – Submissive Body Language
Submissive
body language exhibits conquered as well as it is used to signal fear but not
to be mistaken for passive body language.
Think of a lion taking a lioness; at first the lioness will fight the
lions attempt to subdue her and eventually the lioness submits. She cowers to his aggression and allows the
lion to take her. That is submissive
body language in the form of conquered.
In the form of signally fear, a person may cower into a fetal position
or exhibit closed body language until the perceived threat has passed.
Some specific
submissive body language signals one may notice are the holding of the head
down avoiding eye contact with others while in public, widening of eyes to
appear more innocent, much like the bright wide eyes of an infant, and
attentively looking into the eyes of someone who is speaking to them that is
their dominant.
A submissive
person will exchange in conversation of someone more dominance then them, but
generally they will always agree with them.
They will make eye contact with a dominant and smile; however, their
smile will be subdued. Women tend to
exhibit more submissive body language then men.
Men, however have a misplaced train of thought when they think that some
cultures of women are submissive by nature such as Asian women.
Asian women
are not any more submissive then any other women. Their culture is different and they value
their family and pride themselves in being a great wife and mother. This by no means makes her submissive.
Chapter 17 – Conclusion
Every part of
ones body is used in body language, each movement or lack of movement can mean
something. Not everyone exhibits the
exact same body language as another to express something, such as in greetings,
for one it may be customary to kiss another on both sides of the cheek, but for
another a simple wave of the hand suffices.
Some people
use less emphasis with their body language where others can over exaggerate the
same gesture. Some people require larger
personal space where others are quite comfortable with others moving in
close. There are so many different
facets to body language, and one can never stop learning. By watching people, I am sure you will even
be able to pick up more signs of body language being used then the brief introduction
I have given you here.
Learning and
knowing how to read body language will help you in all aspects of your
life. Take the time to read a body
today.
